Seven-year-old Artyom Savelyev arrived in Russia, alone, after his adoptive American family returned him. (CBS)
I remember reading this story and thinking it was a joke. A sick joke. No one would adopt a child and then “un adopted” them, right? But then I kept reading.
If you aren’t familiar with this story you can read it online. Here is the gist of it.
An American woman adopted a little boy from an orphanage in Russia. She was told by the orphanage that the boy was healthy and fine. After some time (I’m not sure how much time) the boy’s issues became a problem. He was violent. He was threatening to hurt his adopted sister and even burn down the house. His drawings and words were very clear and severe. He was an angry 7 year old. The adoptive mother didn’t know what to do with him. She claims that the orphanage lied to her and that her “son” is not what she expected. So she sent him back. She LITERALLY sent him back. She put a 7 year old Russian boy back on a plane by himself with a note saying he needed to go back to the orphanage he came from and that she had been lied to. Oh but don’t worry, she found a random Russian man online who she coordinated with to pick the boy up in Moscow once he returned. A man she knew nothing about. A man who was a total stranger to this scared rejected little boy.
Now, you may want to actually read the news story for yourself after my biased summary. As you can see…..I am a little upset. In fact when I read this article, I was outraged. The repercussions of this woman’s decisions don’t just affect her now as she deals with possible criminal charges, but also the adoption relationship between the US and Russia. If I were Russia, I too would be hesitant to let their children come to America. Think of how many American parents are still in the process of international adoption with Russia and are now set back because of this woman’s decision. But most of all, this little boy has now had another traumatic transition in his life before the age of 10.
Instead of writing about all the reasons why I think this is one of the most unheard of experiences I’ve ever heard of, I’m going to start with what I believe the solution could have been.
I believe that when people adopt children, they need to have a support system. Communities should adopt and raise children, not just parents. When I was adopted I became the daughter of Dan and Jaynette Miller. They became my parents. Every single child in the world deserves a mom and a dad. But I not only became their daughter when I was adopted, I became a granddaughter, a niece, a cousin, a sister and friend. I GAINED grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers, friends and an entire community of people that instantly cared about me!
I realize that not everyone has a huge close nit family like I do. But I do believe that everyone, EVERYONE needs community and everyone can have community. A year ago when I was trying to decide if I want or COULD live overseas, I was a mess because I didn’t know how I could be away from my family. But I’ve learned power of community. I’ve learned that I can have community in Korea or anywhere in the world. The people I’ve worked with and lived with have quickly become like family. Now, there’s no replacing the Miller clan….the ones that took me in 25 years ago…..and everyday I miss them greatly. But the principle holds true. Everyone needs community and family.
I feel badly for this mother who adopted a child internationally being unaware of potential deeply rooted issues that MUST be taken care of and that could manifest in ways that are not pleasant. She must have felt scared, helpless, alone and unsure of what to do. But my question isn’t, “how the heck could you do that to a 7 year old boy??!” My question is where was her support system? Where were the teachers, the counselor’s, the pastors, the neighbors, the friends, family and support system for a woman who just took in a boy who had already been through so much rejection and possible abandonment? Why weren’t there more people advocating for this child?
My point plainly is: I have a hard time believing that a community of people who work together to love and nurture a child would make the decision to put him on a plane alone and send him to be orphaned again.
But there probably wasn’t a community of people making decisions for this child. Only one woman who didn’t know what to do and wanted to protect her family but in the end harmed a little boy greatly.
Myth: I think that adoptive parents, not all, but some are under the impression that once their child is under their care in a loving home, a roof over their head and food to eat, the child is problemless. This is not true.
Truth: Children, ALL children have issues to deal with…..adopted or not. AND not all adopted children have problems. But many face the realities of having been orphaned. There’s often still a lot of baggage. These issued cannot be ignored. They don’t vanish quickly and often they take a lot of time to be addressed accurately and then cared for properly. But ALL of overcomable, I believe.
I can’t help but wonder how many kids would be off the streets, out of orphanages and foster care if parents knew by adopting them, they would have a ton of support and wouldn’t have to fear the challenges of raising them alone. Again, what if communities adopt children, not just two people.
As a Christian, I believe that no matter how many people you have in your life, nothing can substitute having Jesus in your life. Even if you have no one, I hope you have HIM. I believe He created us to need, to know, to love and be loved by him…..MORE THAN anyone or anything else in the world. But I also believe that God created us to need each other. In fact when Jesus was on the earth, he created community everywhere he went. He had 12 close friends that he committed to, supported and taught.
So! Let’s be advocates for family, for friendship and for community. Let’s be a part of a support system! There’s no need for anyone to be alone. This might take time and effort. It might be a slow process. But it’s worth it. Let’s practice creating community. Let’s not be ashamed to need each other. Let’s not be prideful in our need for others.
If you know someone who needs a friend or just had a baby and needs a meal, offer your time and yourself. And if you need help…ask. It could really make a difference in not only your life but your children, your spouse and those around you.
Please pray for this Russian boy who still needs a home, a FOREVER family and community.
The decisions you make today, WILL affect future generations.
